Who wants the Clap for Valentines Day???

okay so this is a just as equally humorous mommy story, except that this happened shortly before Christmas.

I'm studying for my Microbiology Final and I was searching for things (microbes and the like) and I came across this site : http://www.giantmicrobes.com/. I started looking at what they had for sale and being the Geek that I am, thought it was a FANTASTIC idea! My daughter comes up behind me and sees the stuffed animals, the following conversation ensues:

Brooklyn: What 'cha doin mommy?

Me: just looking at stuff...

B: what kinda stuff?....OOO what's that??

Me: That?? It's AIDS. Why?

B: AIDS? Mommy can I have AIDS for Christmas???

OMFG!! I couldn't STOP laughing!!! Does that make me sick??? Needless to say, she stood right next to me as I viewed the rest of the plushies and proceeded to as me if she could also have the Clap and Salmonella for Christmas as well.

Now that you have peed your pants you can all go and buy one of these wonderful plushies for all your friends! I can see how this could be GREAT fun at the office party or Secret Santa!

Till Next time!

Muah!

Rubbers

So I had to vacuum because I'm having company over to watch the Bowl - ugh. I have a bagless and it needs to be emptied because of course my son, who used it last when he cleaned his room, hadn't. I see something yellow... WTF?? it's a condom! He FUCKING vacuumed it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm outside emptying the cylinder now. Son comes outside; the following conversation ensues:

ME: Next time you vacuum your room, don't fucking vacuum up any more condoms!

SON: (reddened face) ..buh, I didn't...

ME: You used the vacuum last didn't you???

Son: well, yeah, but...

ME: We'll your father and I sure as hell don't use those and I doubt your father is cheating on me; so please, next time you clean your room DON'T vacuum up your condoms!

SON: (laughing) but, I , didn't...well, I didn't mean to... I didn't do anything with it

ME: This isn't funny, you do that again and it breaks the fucking vacuum - you're buying us a new one!

Now, before this entire conversation/yelling incident occurred outside the house on the front lawn, my 5 year old sees me pull said condom out of the vacuum bin as says "Is that a RUBBER????" I inform her that yes indeed it is a rubber and tell her to take it to daddy so he can see it! (LOL) (It wasn't used or anything - it just had dust and dirt from the vacuum on it) Ken sees it and says "EWWW where'd you get that?!?!?" "From mommy - it was in the vacuum - do you like my balloon Daddy??" "No!, now go throw that away and wash your hands!"

Now, you may be wondering why I'm not horrified that a condom came out of my 14 year old sons room. Well for one, that means if he is sexually active - which i seriously doubt, at least he's using protection. And 2 I was sexually active at his age, so it really wouldn't surprise me if he was. So that was my funny mommy story for the day and just thought I should share!!

Muah!