Rubbers

So I had to vacuum because I'm having company over to watch the Bowl - ugh. I have a bagless and it needs to be emptied because of course my son, who used it last when he cleaned his room, hadn't. I see something yellow... WTF?? it's a condom! He FUCKING vacuumed it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm outside emptying the cylinder now. Son comes outside; the following conversation ensues:

ME: Next time you vacuum your room, don't fucking vacuum up any more condoms!

SON: (reddened face) ..buh, I didn't...

ME: You used the vacuum last didn't you???

Son: well, yeah, but...

ME: We'll your father and I sure as hell don't use those and I doubt your father is cheating on me; so please, next time you clean your room DON'T vacuum up your condoms!

SON: (laughing) but, I , didn't...well, I didn't mean to... I didn't do anything with it

ME: This isn't funny, you do that again and it breaks the fucking vacuum - you're buying us a new one!

Now, before this entire conversation/yelling incident occurred outside the house on the front lawn, my 5 year old sees me pull said condom out of the vacuum bin as says "Is that a RUBBER????" I inform her that yes indeed it is a rubber and tell her to take it to daddy so he can see it! (LOL) (It wasn't used or anything - it just had dust and dirt from the vacuum on it) Ken sees it and says "EWWW where'd you get that?!?!?" "From mommy - it was in the vacuum - do you like my balloon Daddy??" "No!, now go throw that away and wash your hands!"

Now, you may be wondering why I'm not horrified that a condom came out of my 14 year old sons room. Well for one, that means if he is sexually active - which i seriously doubt, at least he's using protection. And 2 I was sexually active at his age, so it really wouldn't surprise me if he was. So that was my funny mommy story for the day and just thought I should share!!

Muah!