Crack is Whack, Yo!

After some serious thought, I've decided to share some fairly personal information. My life was not always as it is now. Actually I grew up in a divorced home, but I was a well-off, happy kid. Did great in school. Got accepted to 3 or 4 colleges right out of high school. (Northwestern Illinois and Arizona State to name a couple) Shortly after I graduated high school (Lyons Township High School in Illinois) my parents decided that they were going to sell the Chicago house and move to the Englewood, FL house. I said "Eww I don't want to move to FL. Can I go live with Dad?" and I ended up in NJ. (I know WHAT was I thinking??) So I moved in with my Dad, got some piddly jobs and started going to college again. (I had been attending The University of Illinois-Chicago and then College of DuPage before) Then I met Boy#1. Boy #1 was very nice, shy, quiet, liked Hockey, and had apparently never had a girlfriend before. I met him online. We hit it off pretty good and well, we were together for 3 years. (I think) Eventually I ended up moving in with him (he still lived at home). We were like 19. I had started working at a police station as a dispatcher and things were good. Life was good. But as karma would have it, we drifted apart. This is where things get graphic and Rated -R. I meet Boy #2. Also via the Internet. Boy #2 is a BAD boy. Boy #2 has spent time in prison for assault with a deadly weapon. Boy #2 is COVERED in tattoos and Boy #2 is a BULLSHIT artist. Of course, I don't realize any of this until .... 4 years AFTER I meet him! Boy #1 and I break up, amicably, and I start seeing Boy #2. Boy #2 and I get a place together, I get 4 tattoos and a piercing, Boy #2 buys (read steals from his dealer) the BEST dog I've ever had; Boy #2 tells me that his son (yeah) and ex are moving to FL and he wants to go too (yeah); I say okay!, resign from the PD and we head to FL. We head to FL with no money, no job prospects and no where to live and, oh yeah, in the brad new car that I had just LEASED because I had this GREAT job at a PD. By this time I had started smoking weed daily. Not for any other reason except that it was there - he had it. Hell there was always at least a "brick" in my freezer - he was selling it. Yes, in case you were wondering, we made the trip down here with LOTS of weed - Thank GOD we didn't get caught. We did actually get pulled over. THAT was scary. To speed things up a bit.... Over the course of our "relationship" i held meaningless jobs because we were constantly moving from place to place. He maintained his "profession" of "pharmacist" - and let me be the FIRST to day that #2 was the shitty-ist businessman EVER! At one point because we had no other place to live we lived with his Ex. Yup, that's right! I've also lived in a car and in a tent with #2. For a little while, #2 managed to hold a decent job with a plumbing company, but then some tools came up missing..... so back to "pharmacist" he went. He convinced me that if we moved away from where we were at the time, we could start over. So we went to Okeechobee. Again i got a piddly job at the Dunkin Donuts there. We had NO vehicle, were living on the porch of a Meth addict, and my boss was gracious enough to pick me up and take me home everyday. Next thing I know we're now living in the house of the kid making the meth and , you guessed it, we're doing it. Now this didn't seem like a huge step for me. I'd already, by this point, tried acid, crack, cocaine, and Ecstasy (this should TOTALLY be legal). The people we knew were shooting it. Not me! Hell no! Comes to be that the people we were living with got busted and we sorta stayed living in their house for a while because #2 charmed the pants of this couples mother who lived next door. #2 thinks that he should still try and sell this kids product so we can have money. He dicks some guy over, the guy breaks into the house and what does he steal?? MY FUCKING DOG! YES, my pure-bread American Staffordshire Terrier, who was all white! My FUCKING PIT! ASSHOLE! why take my shit when Asshole was the one who screwed you over???!??!? Well the dude thought that #2 loved me enough to make amends to get my dog back - nope. He was wrong. He did how ever get the awesomest dog alive from it. We snorting, smoking, eating Meth on a daily basis now. Meth causes you to not sleep, not be hungry, and not be thirsty. I was forcing myself to eat and drink. I think I ate mac -n- cheese and drank kool-aid for like a month. After like a week long binge, I finally crashed and slept. I slept for 20 hours (this is "normal"). I got up went to work at DD, came home and slept again till the next day when I had to work. This pattern went on for like 4 days. I started to kinda freak. I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I insisted that I had fucked something up inside while taking meth, so I went to the clinic. Told the doc what was going on with me and asked what was wrong. Doc ran some tests and advised me that nothing was wrong I was just pregnant. 5 months pregnant! Oh shit! I'd been doing all those drugs during the most important stages of fetal development! So i yanked my head so far outta my ass and said this is it - NO MORE! I tell my parents (my mom) and she says so what. (I had burned her bridge so many times before this that I kinda expected her to react that way) We end up moving back in with #2 mom. He gets back in with is old buddies and into the Crack scene. I'm 8 months pregnant and smoking crack in his mothers upscale condo. I'm not using everyday, but once is enough. And it was more than once. I'm clean for month 9. I guess I should mention that I had a job I LOVE at a party store making balloon decorations like centerpieces and balloon arches, and stuff like that. I worked there up until the day I delivered. #2 managed to get arrested for possession of cocaine when I was 7 months preggers. He got put on probation and was supposed to attend rehab as part of it. Brooklyn is born. We have to move out of his mothers because the condo association is complaining. We go from hotel to hotel. We're now at one where we pay weekly. I'm working at Arby's. He's still selling. Oh yeah, I left something out. Before we got this hotel we had gone to this place for assistance in finding housing and they made us both take drug tests. He was positive for marijuana and cocaine. I was positive for cocaine. My daughter was 1 month old. Child services was involved. I had 2 options give her to the state or sign her over to his mother. i chose option 2. We also had to attend outpatient drug counseling. This was the deal breaker. Because I had helped him with a deal - I tested positive . I had been holding his dope (crack) in my mouth. I complied with Child Services - hell if they had told me I had to kill someone to get her back I would have. I was on the phone with my Investigator daily. To the point where he told me to stop calling him. He would ask me about #2 and he hadn't changed. He was still selling and still using. We were now living with a dealer friend of his and I was working for Sketchers. The child services case was dropped because we complied so well and our random drug screens (that were NOT random) had all been clean. #2 decides that he was going to check himself into rehab. (remember he needed to do this as a condition of his probation anyway). He thinks that if he goes on his own - it will look better for him. I go to visit him, I'm still living with the dealer friend of his, and when I come back - the apartment is EMPTY. I mean EVERYTHING gone. Everything except for my daughters things, thank God, and my stuff. I guess at least he was thoughtful enough not to take our stuff. I guess. I freak out! Call the cops, Call #2 in rehab (he's not supposed to get any calls, but I figured this qualified as an emergency), call #2's mom. I end up calming down. While living in this apartment we had made friends with some guys that were living in the apt below us, mainly because they smoked weed. But #2 had decided that this bunch of guys was responsible enough to watch our 2 month old daughter when he went to go sell. And one of them was. He's #3. I tell #3 that I have to get away from #2. #3 tells me that #2 treats me like shit and that I shouldn't put up with it and that it's now way for me or my daughter to live. Now mind you my parents had told me this THOUSANDS of times and I didn't listen. But this time it hit home, sank in and I wanted OUT! #3 tells me that in 1 week he'll be going to New Mexico to go home and help his mom out and asks me if i want to go too. I see this as the ultimate opportunity to get out! I jump on it. I tell No one. I don't elude to it to #2 or to his mother. I call my mother and tell her what is going on. She begs me to just come home - they can help me. I explain to her that I understand they can, but I need to get out of Florida, but that i would stop and see her on my way to NM. So a week later, I had chosen what I though was important enough to bring and #3 and I were headed to NM. I was there for a month. Then I needed to go home. I went to my mothers. I was home. I basically start my life all over again. My parents got me a car, i got a job and I met Ken. I met him thru Match.com. We've been through a lot together. His divorce, my almost dying, his almost dying, getting Brooklyn's biological father's parental rights revoked, getting married and adopting Brooklyn. We will be through a lot more together. He is my rock. I've been sober for 5 years now. It's a good feeling and for me it's not really a daily struggle. It's a choice and and easy one at that. Why would I ever want the life I had?? How easy of a choice is that? I can't say that doing what I did was all bad. If either of my kids are high - i'll fucking know. I know what weed smells like, I know what burning cocaine smells like, I know what meth smells like, I know what Crack smells like. I know the paraphernalia for all looks like. I know the code names for all of them. I was immersed in the culture - I know it!
I'm not so worried about Matt, because his mom has her own issues with this subject and he despises her and what she does. But, Brooklyn had the tendencancy for addictions that comes from both sides, although, she does display the leader attitude so she might be okay.
sorry this is so long. It actually should have been MUCH longer. I left out quite a bit. Something in me decided that this should be shared. Feel free to ask me any questions as i have NO shame in talking about this period of my life. I actually enjoy them. :)